(Disclaimer: a lot of the opinions that will be given in this post may, or may not, coincide with your beliefs. However, do not get offended. We can agree to disagree like adults. It is that simple. So please do NOT get insulted.)
Death. Confusion. Disgust. Sorrow.
Those four words clouded my brain as I awakened that early Saturday morning to the news that Doe B, one of Montgomery, Alabama’s most recent revered emcees, had passed due to gun violence. He wasn’t the only one that died; Kim Johnson was also killed with others caught in the crossfire. I quickly made a blog post about it because those four words kept circling in my head until I caught a headache. So, I felt a need to say what I felt.
The next day, I came across a post on my Twitter feed that went something like this:
Jealousy?? wow RT @GlobalGrind: UPDATE: More details emerge in the shooting of Hustle Gang's Doe B bit.ly/19v0kct #RIPDoeB—
Davey D (@mrdaveyd) December 29, 2013
My immediate response was this:
@mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind Of course: the emotion that our fathers taught us to be "the most feminine of emotions".—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
And then the proverbial fecal matter tornado ensued:
@Darcwonn @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind c'mon there is no reason to suggest that jealousy is only "feminine" or deride women. It's all men shooting—
SOULKHAN (@soulkhan) December 29, 2013
C'mon, @soulkhan! As a man, you were taught "what" about jealousy? I know what I was taught. Many others, too. @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind All the women that raised me were the least jealous and had the strongest character.—
SOULKHAN (@soulkhan) December 29, 2013
@soulkhan @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind Okay. And no, I'm not being sexist. But I'm telling you: where I am from, it isn't considered manly.—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind Yeah, but what does manly mean? Rape, wage war, and raise our kids badly? I think our gender ideal's a myth—
SOULKHAN (@soulkhan) December 29, 2013
@soulkhan @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind Rape, war, and badly raised kids is unmanly also. Maybe we have different definitions of "manhood".—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @mrdaveyd @GlobalGrind yeah and I know your pov is coming from a noble place but I see women left holding the bag in most places—
SOULKHAN (@soulkhan) December 29, 2013
Oh, and don’t forget Davey D’s take
@Darcwonn @soulkhan Thats ridiculous.. jealousy is a female thing (blank stare).. Envy and hating don't happen w/ dudes??—
Davey D (@mrdaveyd) December 29, 2013
@mrdaveyd @soulkhan My notions can be considered ridiculous. That is fine. Guess what? A lot of others share that value for good reasons.—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @soulkhan A lot of people thought the world was flat and women were property it don't change facts, that envy is not limited—
Davey D (@mrdaveyd) December 29, 2013
@mrdaveyd @soulkhan I never said "limited". I said "many men were raised to feel that jealousy was unmanly". Period.—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @soulkhan So they changed the word jealousy and used a different word..'Hate' or envy or any number of words same thing—
Davey D (@mrdaveyd) December 29, 2013
@Darcwonn @soulkhan when I came up jot was called backstabbing, betrayal, two timing selling out etc..—
Davey D (@mrdaveyd) December 29, 2013
@mrdaveyd @soulkhan I appreciate the historical facts. I learned something. But, my position still stands.—
Darcwonn1906 (@Darcwonn) December 29, 2013
Alright! Now THAT was interesting. I would like to extend a cyber-handshake to Soul Khan and Davy D for giving me the historical value lessons and ideas of sexism that my commentary could possibly have. I do appreciate that.
However, if you think I’m going to change my position on how I feel, then there are either two things at play:
1.) You must not know who I am as a person.
2.) You don’t understand what I am talking about and where I am coming from.
Don’t get me wrong: I respect where these men are coming from. Yes, I know men are sadly capable of carrying around the emotion of jealousy. And yes, my sentiments come from a place of nobility. However, their break down of what I have been taught is “neither here nor there”.
This wasn’t a time to sit up here and pick apart something that I, and many other young men in the hood, were taught.
Instead, they should have taken the time to figure out WHY we were taught this. Oh, I have a very valid explanation for the WHY.
Living in a western society, men are taught to do a couple of main things: give thanks to God (if you believe) and take care of family. Within all of that, you have the mainstay of taking care of one’s family. In order to take care of your said “family”, you have to be about your business. When one is about their business, they cannot be about the business of “being jealous of others”. In short, many males (in the hood) do not like the emotions of jealousy/envy because they are synonymous with not taking care of your civic duties.
What sense does it make to carry around that soulless burden of an emotion when, at the end of the day, it matters not what the next man is doing? Why put energy towards something that does nothing for you and your loved ones? Why feel the need to mentally tear someone down when you could be building yourself up? There are the questions that many men have had to answer when it comes to jealousy.
Please take note: how do you actually look worried about the next man’s progress? If it isn’t your own, concern shouldn’t really be shown (and yes, that rhymed).
As far as jealousy is concerned, studies have shown that women do tend to be more jealous than men. However, that is dealing with romance. This is different. Eh.
At the end of the day, a young man and a woman died (with others seriously injured) over some foolishness. Maybe I should just watch my comments. Or, maybe we should look at how certain values (or lack thereof) help play into a head-scratching situation turned ignorantly deadly. However, we can question a man’s value system and how it plays out if we want to. What matters is this: those values have gotten me, and a lot of other men, through life without incarceration, emasculation, and civic debilitation.
You can question the value, but never question it too much if it actually works.
‘Nuff Said and ‘Nuff Respect!!!
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